When people told you that, motherhood, is probably the most difficult thing that you would ever do, they were, for a change, not exaggerating, at all.
It is one of the toughest things, for me.
Elders, other mothers, relatives and common sense, all will tell you, that with time, you will get used to it. It will get easier, that you will learn to juggle- work and home and baby and me-time (if you hadn’t given up on the idea till then).
And yes, there are days, when you do feel, that you have it all together. You have finally sorted your thoughts, your laundry, your office and home to-do list, your daily timetable etc and you have finally arrived at the “supermom”.
The moment you will decide to go and give the measurement for the “Supermom” costume, your baby will tell you..”not so fast, young lady”…
I call those days… BAD HEIR DAYS.
Just like the more unpopular and yet much less uncomfortable, bad hair days, you cannot control their arrival.
You can only hope, that when the bad heir days do come along, you have the strength, the energy and hope to get over your suicidal tendencies.
Sometimes bad heir days can come in a neat little bunch, where you child decides to throw tantrums for days to come, as if, he/she is getting flak from his fellow toddlers that ‘hey, how come, we no longer hear your cry or howl or weep for random things. Somebody is trying to get into their parent’s good books, we say!’
That’s one theory to explain the bizarre baby behavior.
Another theory is, God wanted women to have a taste of their own pill.
Remember, how men, young and old, bond on the topic, about their respective women, leaving them guessing about, their “actual” conversations and how it doesn’t mean anything close to what they thought it meant? How their respective wives or girlfriends, always play this guessing game, where they get upset or worse still start crying, and men are scared because they have no freaking clue as to what could be the reason?
My theory is, God just wanted women to feel, how it really feels when the other human being, in this case, your tiny little baby, chooses to not tell you what he really wants, while crying and howling and expecting you to quickly figure things out, in this pressure test of sorts.
Bad heir days are like daily soaps coming to an end. If you haven’t seen one that finally ended, you won’t believe that, its possible. Similarly, your parents, your husband’s parents, will never believe that this cute little munchkin is capable of troubling you so much. Your in-laws anyway don’t believe a word you say, and parents have witnessed your teenage years and they know, you can make stuff up.
Unfortunately, all the people you want to impress by your skills as a mother- random strangers on the road, neighbors you barely speak to, colleagues who think you do nothing major once you reach home from work, so and so forth are the people who will witness those embarrassing moments, while you try and get out of the situation with all the dignity you can manage. You can try of course, but it’s useless. Whether you finally cry out of pure frustration or your baby does, there is no winning from there on, when your baby decides to lie on the floor, you really want to say ‘ I swear, he got it from his father, I am the calm one..’ Sigh.
I guess, all I am trying to say is, things can get annoying real fast, and its ok to say that out loud. Just because your child was acting out and you got frustrated, irritated, angry, upset doesn’t mean you are a bad mother. It only means you are a mother who is trying to raise a child, the best of her knowledge. I doubt if “good mothers”- mothers who never get angry, seldom lose their shit, rarely contemplate about hiding under the bed or in the bathroom, exist. We are all a little bit of insane, who knows, what ‘normal’ looks like anymore. This is our new normal.