Let’s admit it right away. Since that moment, where you thought that you are ready, for parenthood, you have had equally strong moments of self-doubt. But there was something in that moment, let’s call it “temporary insanity” where you thought, just like me, that you are “ready”. Don’t get me wrong, kids are the best *Wink* *Wink*, but we were clearly not ready. I for one, have been sloppy since. But here’s why you and I must have thought that we are ready for the greatest challenger ever!
1.You have had enough sleep for the rest of your life:I mean seriously, do we really need to sleep for 8 hours EVERYDAY? And even if we do, I am pretty sure scientists are just preparing us to become good and efficient parents. Unless they mean, even parents of toddlers should get 8 hours of shut-eye. In that case, I would be forced to conclude, that they are just a bunch of delusional single men.
2.You and your partner no longer talk to each other and it’s getting awkward:Here’s a thought, once you have a child, you will still find it extremely hard to find some couple-time just to laze around the house, talk without agenda, or just share the daily happenings. You will act more like two colleagues working on consecutive shifts in an office on a very important project. Transferring only the bare minimum useful information for a smooth functioning of this… arrangement! But most importantly, at least the lack of conversation will no longer be awkward. Now you have your baby to blame it on.
3.You ‘think’ you are ready:Which only goes to show, how ignorant you are! Before you realize what hit you, he’s going to need a diaper change, warm bottle of milk, and a lullaby, all at the same time. But don’t feel bad about ME, calling YOU, ignorant. Your child will ensure, that by the time he’s 1 year old, you wear it as a badge, wherever you go, along with “I don’t know, what was I thinking” to go with it!
4.You hate your friends, and you never want to meet them again:It will work like a charm. If you have single friends, they will soon realize that you have adopted cool lingos like – EBF, colic, swaddling and they look like idiots not knowing anything at all. Also, you have bought some cool gadgets that you are going ga-ga about- things like bottle sterilizer and breast pump, and they are crying internally for not being able to find use of these genius machines in their dull, single life. Your married friends without kids, will usually fall off the radar, because they will be home, trying to make babies of their own, so that they can have a shot at your new enviable lifestyle and schedule.
5.Your parents are plotting a revenge against you:What will give it away is this extremely innocent, well-meaning, and seemingly emotional line, “we want to see our grand-child, before we die”. Two people, who seem to be practically voicing their last wish, don’t seem to be those people who have an ace up their sleeves. But that’s exactly who they are. Wisdom has taught them enough about kids, and raising them, something, that you have zero clue about. They would promise you to take care of the child. Mark my words, they will only be there to make your child hate you even more, by ganging up on you with them. They make a fine team too, mainly because they have a common enemy…YOU.
6.You truly think, beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder:Once you become parents, especially if you are the mother, you will soon bask in the glory of your natural beauty, your natural state, your fresh out of bed look, because anything more elaborate and anything that requires you to spend an hour or two at a place where they “pamper” you by “taking care of you” would sound boring and inefficient, in comparison with, the power of people finally not judging you, because for that they need to look at you at first. And they won’t, because they can’t take so much of awesomeness and raw beauty without submitting to it completely and being your chosen slave. And let’s face it, most are incapable of such spiritual experience, because they need to do the job that pays the bills.
7.You hate the “work-life balance”:Who wants to have a monotonous, repetitive lifestyle, where one day doesn’t look any different from yesterday or the fast approaching tomorrow? A child will ensure that you never suffer from monotony. You may suffer from lack of sleep, “my husband no longer looks at me ‘like that’” syndrome, “my colleagues don’t take me seriously at work” paranoia, but get this, you will never, ever crib about, your days being same. Every day will come with a new and unexpected challenge, no wait, an opportunity to grow as a parent and as a liar. I mean, how many times, can you possibly skip work, by saying “I slept at 4”!
8.You are a cleanliness freak, who is looking for their next challenge:Monica Geller Bing would be proud of you! Cleaning your house as a single adult or even after being married without kids can be called as “tidying up”. Once you have a baby, and he is old enough to move around, the cleaning up looks more like, a restoration process, after you were hit by a hurricane. Also, in future, nobody can force you to buy a white couch. Shortest argument, “I have a kid”.
9.You love being bossed around, and your spouse is doing a terrible job at it:You are most efficient when your boss yells at you from the other corner of the room, the deadline of your project, for the 15th time, in the same day. His yelling, arm twisting tactics, forcing you to always see his point of view, makes you feel that you are somehow contributing to something very significant in a very military regimen kind of fashion. Alas, you lack the same motivation or to be precise, a motivator once you reach home. You are not alone in thinking that a baby would beautifully fill that void. There are many content parents, pushing their boss-child to the “fun zone” of a mall. They plan to stay there for 2 full hours. Ask them, they’ll tell you everything.
10.People say, you will one day make a wonderful parent:This has to be the best reason to become a parent. Accepting a challenge, working hard at it, making an honest attempt, failing miserably at it, attempting it again, failing again, trying again, falling flat on your face, but not losing your hope and more importantly your will to one day be a wonderful parent. That’s what life is all about. To find your true calling. Now run, it seems, your child is up again.